Friday, 29 July 2016

A new me, a new life.

So a little bit ago blog post a wrote about my doctors appointment. I was diagnosed with IBS and the doctor gave me a prescription to deal with some of the issues. It works, not 100% but it does take more of the pain away. The only issue is my anxiety, depression and insomnia sky rocketed, so I went back to the doctor to get that figured out.

A month later I went to the doctor. I told him exactly what was happening. I told him all the nitty gritty details and he really gave me his time. I usually feel really rushed. I kind of get the "ok what's the issue ... mmhmmm ... ok here are some pills, gave them a try and come back in a moth." This time he sat down and listened and we talked through a few things. At the end we decided I would give some anti-anxiety pills a ago.
I have lived with some pretty bad anxiety for years now. I have dealt with fears and issues that have really kept me from not living a full life. I am even in my 30's and I don't even have a drivers license because of my anxiety. There are many reasons for me not driving but the base is the fact I just have/had a fear of driving. Right down to panic attacks when I would drive.
I have even had an anxiety with pills. I grew up around people with some very unhealthy addictions to pills. So I told my doctor and we decided to try an anti-anxiety pill, something that would be mild and not totally addictive. Something that would at least help me get over this hump in life. Just so I can get back into a normal functioning life.

I knew it would take a few weeks for it to kick in. I am at about week 5 and I am really starting to see a difference. Its starting to feel like a new me. I talked to a friend who takes the same medication, he told me that when you first start taking it, you will be your normal self then one day things will just be different. And that is exactly what it felt like, one day the clouds were just swept away. I am also learning I have some pretty ridiculous anxieties. I should have talked to the doctor sooner about my mental health issues.
I am realizing I had anxiety towards the weirdest things. Like cleaning for example, if a room got dirty, my anxiety would build just at the thought of having to clean it. I would get frazzled and not
know where to start, and just give up. Now I notice, I am categorizing the job in my brain and I start cleaning #1, then #2 and so on. It is one thing I never even realized but one thing I did realize and I am now working on is my driving.
Shortly after I started taking the pills I asked a friend to help teach me to drive. I got my learners back in November and it took me until June to get fully on the road. Its been huge conquering driving. I have had lots of help from friends though. I cannot wait to get on the road.

Then dealing with my social anxiety, its still a work in progress. I think a lot of my anxiety came from being a stay at home mom for so long. I have been home for 10 years and it was a slow progress. I got to the point where I wasn't leaving my house at all. I also lost a lot of good friends.
Last nght though, I got to go out with the girls to celebrate a friends engament. My sis in law and I took her out for some drinks and food. They are the closest things to sisters I have ever had, so I assume they don't mind my social awkwardness. Although, I felt almost no anxiety, it was just a good time. I was actally able to relax and just talk, drink and eat.
Once I am driving, I am going to try and be a lot more social. I will actually be able just pop over at friends places with coffee, meet somewhere with the kids with friends for playdate. The possibilities will be endless. Its a big downside of living in the rural parts of town with no licence. All because I finally caved and spoke up about my mental health.

I am very happy I did it. I feel like I am almost at the light at the end of the tunnel. Its been going on for a long time and I am finally look forward to life. Plus I have my road test in 3 weeks!

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